Sunday, December 6, 2009

under the overpass

so a few years ago for Christmas my dad gave me this book called "under the overpass" by mike yankoski

i love this book, something about this book stirs something in me and yeah...i want to share a little bit of it with you.

[ " the pizza, hanging out down here, being nice to the people no one cares about, all of it, why?"

"i figure they're hungry and hey, everyone likes pizza right?" said George but he looked uncomfortable with the question.

"thats the easy answer" said sam "whats the real answer?"
"Okay" George said realizing we were serious "you really want to know? i do this because my faith tells me to. The Bible clearly says if you see someone hungry feed them, if you see someone naked clothe them. Those words werent written for us to make books and sermons about they're written so people dont go hungry and naked. And they require action from all followers of Christ, not just the rescue missions, Anyway thats how i see it. So im trying to live my life that way and be pleasing to Jesus"
"whew" i said inspired.
"Do you know what they call you around here?" sam asked "The Jesus guy"
"Highest compliment i could ever receive" George said with a big smile. "But you know what? i've never once come down here and preached. At least not in the typical fashion-you know,with yelling and Bible thumping"
Sam and i took a few minutes to tell George about ourselves and that we shared his faith. We thanked him for his powerful witness for Christ in the park.
"isnt it amazing" i said "that when we live as we're called and do what we're commanded the gospel does get preached one way or another?"

"I think so" said George. He was scanning the park. There were the usual strollers and loser and drunk and punks the usual American riffraff. But George was looking the place over like he owned it, like it was his own backyard. "Live as your called and the good news will go forth. I like that"

"Remember that the poor are people with names" writes bryant myers author of walking with the poor "they are people with whom and among who God has been working before we even knew they where there"

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


im telling you, 5 minutes ago i almost quit my job....why you ask? a little reason called gypsies....

so lets give a little bit of backround information, 2 or 3 months ago i posted signs in kensington that said "Wanted : a band of modern day gypsies" and i put some contact info, alas nothing came of it, i also looked longing back at a day in may where i was sitting downtown and two very odvious transiant travelers walked by me and i said hello to them and they smiled and said hello also.

But anyway to conintue on with this story, tonight at work at approx 2 am the front door rings and i go running to let who ever is waiting it, when i get to the door there are 3 police officers there and dogs, i am very confused and before i even open the door i radio the team lead to come to the front because i HATE dealing with the police.
Anyway i let them in and they tell me a story of 3 people who own the 3 dogs, the police had just pulled them off a train that was coming from winnipeg , they where traveling to vancouver, the cops ask me if they can "leave them in my care" and be on there way, I say they cant stay at the shelter (we dont take dogs) but they are more then welcome to use the phone, which one comes in a does...dreadlocks...wool cap...named kale anyway yeah, i chat with them for quite a while and tried to tell my co-workers that i was leaving with did not work, but the gypsies did take my email address eeeeeeeeeeeee

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

cupcakes for breakfast toothpaste for dinner

but yeah like I said I'm interested in how this whole thing will turn out and tie together, I get this strange feeling when I'm downtown, when I see pavement covered in chewed gum, grocery carts overflowing with "finds", when i see policemen or people sitting down on the concrete.

This speaks to my heart, this makes me cry and makes me hope did big eyes, heat, mud huts, and language barriers of Africa
Jesus where are you taking me?
I'm very intrigued

Thursday, October 22, 2009

what time do we work?

"I know we're all dying but i actually am"

Some other guests bitch him out for being rude and upsetting me, I assured them he wasnt', it took me a few hours to realize that i have been made upset, but its not how he's speaking that done it, its what he's telling me.

Crack addict for over 25 years, 3 days clean and at least 3 heart surgeries.
A lifted shirt a exposed shoulder "look at this"
No sympathy
"you can read my shit to man"

this was his choice...does that mean this is what he deserves?
I hate that my only response is "what do i do?"
because you know we are all dying, but he actually is...

Friday, October 16, 2009

19 fab things that happened in my 19th year

1 I was given a treasure hunt birthday part.

2 I fell more in love with africa

3 I had my first kiss (insert vomit noise and teeny tiny grin)

4 i bunjee jumped the second higest bunjee jump in the world

5 I met kindred spirits like louise, my twin Danny, and a beautiful 4-some called, Dayla, Kathrine, Tara and Beth

6 I learned to Knit

7 a) I had a conversation around a circle table which inspired the term "Love Tour"
b) I got "Love Tour" tattoo'd on my arm

8 I came back to Canada, learing that Goodbyes are heart breaking, hello's are rather joyus and Love was coming at me from all over the place

9 I spent a poncho themed weekend in banff, where I lived out a song lyric

10 I did Gurilla Art projects (the mirros, the journals and a little wall writing)

11 I spent a night on the street

12 I went on a roadtrip to vancity and i was reminded of hope, talked to a boy from Denmark and learned something new about love

13 My baby sister graduated

14 Flew (tried to at least) kites in formals clothing with two lovlies

15 Had a night outside with 3 of my favorite guys reading peter pan to each other

16 My best friend got married, i glued feathers on my big deal

17 I made Prayer flags at camp

18 Went camping, left in a tiny red car fairly full from the two people in it, drove home with said tiny red car so full you couldnt see the two back passengers

19 I got what is my current dream job at the mustard seed

Thursday, October 8, 2009

When all the love in the world is right here among us, and hatred to, we must chose what our hands will do...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

oh please just run away with me

So I'm leaning against the wall near the men's bathroom, waiting for someone to wheel out the towel bin, only a few of the lights are on, i hear snoring, soft talking and a guitar. Aaron's playing the guitar, i can only see the back of him, his arms moving as he strums quietly. I have this feeling, this feeling i had so many times in Africa "you where meant for this"

I'm astounded with the way things have turned out.I have been giddy since i started at the seed, that almost doesn't describe it properly, i mean i was sitting outside the mustard seed cause i was early for my shift and every time i looked up i couldn't help but laugh, i am so excited about this!

My first shift basically flew by, doing all sorts of tasks, laundry and blanket distribution, guest storage, check in and bag searches.I cant stop smiling, but then it end on this weird note, that makes me cry all the way home, I am then stressed for the next two days and it comes down to taking a leap of faith...and i do it...and Jesus did me a solid.
After being told several times from seed management that i shouldnt quit my other job and that they cant give me full time hours, i went a head and quit my job with DDRC, not two hours after i quit with DDRC the seed comes to me with a contract position....
and Love tour calgary continues...

Sunday, September 20, 2009

speaking words of wisdom let it be

My latest project:

So if i had to share some wisedom or whatever, i would have two things to share, and funnyily enough they both came from church

1) Reflect what you believe- if you really believe something your actions need to reflect that, you cant say one thing and do another.
That lesson really has nothing to do with this journal but i thought i would share it none the less.

2) Now i cant really remember the proper way this was worded but it was something like "make your life a story worth telling" and i know that almost sounds a little harsh because really life sometimes is just gonna happen but i like the idea of life being a story and being able to contribute to that story.

switching tracks.

I love journals, i never go anywhere withough mine and i love making them. So i made this journal for you yes you who is reading this now because if finding a random hand painted (ha) journal made specifically for me by someone i dont know cant be a part of my story i want it to be a part of yours. Much love!
-a friend"

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

rule of life number 38

I suppose I have alot to talk about, but before i start writing i should mention how i was thinking about this on the bus and how maybe blogs are a little silly...i sit here and write out all the things i think and feel and then you sit there and read them...i dont know why but suddently this feels strange to me, but at the same time, if i write this now i can compartmentalize my thoughts and i will have to answer less questions later.

I should also metnion that my head is spinning so hopefully this makes some sense.
I will start with the concrete

My job, so...I really like the work part of my job, for the most part its awesome, i get to do stuff like go swimming and play monster trucks, there are little things that happen at each shift that makes me smile, like the other day one of my clients told me he knew God and I asked him what he was like and he just smiled and after a long pause told me that his(God's) name was steven.
But the hours have changes so much, and everytime i try to quite or mention that im unhappy my boss just acts really nice or promises that they will do better the next week, Im a sucker and this keeps happening, i need to like fully detach myself even if they are very nice the hours are important for me to like continue.

My stuff with the simple way, so after farther communications it seems the simple way has decieded to not take interns this year, this makes me a little sad cause i was really stoked, but at the same time i feel peace, i know i will be lead to where i need to go.

This brings us to the question of "what now?" and my answer is i have no friggen know how christians usually use terms like "God will open a door" well i want God to open and door and shove me through it cause everything just seems so up in the air.
On the note, i would like to put it out there that if anyone knows of any cool oppurtinites i would be very much intrested in hearing about them...

I had much more that i wanted to write about but i think i will leave it at this for right now.
Please pray about my job stuff and my life stuff.
thanks friends

Saturday, August 29, 2009

if they came from the gate

I feel like a zombie...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

to make you feel my love

Brianne got married.
My best friend of the past many years got married.
and I am so happy for her.

The day started out with champange and truffles and humus and getting ready.
Although I had been up till approx 2 am that night, watching my mom work on my dress (thats just how she rolls, it stresses me out to the extreme but i suppose i cant change her)
Brianne and I drove to the ranch house together, big black clouds all over the sky. We arrive and there is a flustered shuffle to make sure Matt doesnt see Bri and we go to the sage room to get dressed. Then its annonced that its raining and we have to stay indoors, but it true calgary fashion it rained for 5 minutes and then we where able to be outside.

Then there is a dramatic walk down the aisle, a few tears and a kiss and now Brianne is a dempsey.

I am incrediably happy for Brianne and Matt, and incrediably happy that this could be a part of my love tour.

SO here we are, I think this was one of the big steps for the summer. The next is sojourners and finding a new church.
The first in that sentence i am slightly nervous for but only slightly just cause we havent really had a chance to plan, the second i am extremely nervous for, the last time i stepped foot in a north american church i left shaking, the last time i had interaction with a christian i didnt know made me cry. so yeah...we will see what happens but this week i am going to try out "Friends Church"

Saturday, July 4, 2009

rock climbing

My job is proving to have some intresting challenges but im also coming out of it with some lovely stories.

The past week and this coming week, I am supporting a girl with autism at a day camp, on tuesday, on our way back to the day camp from horsebacking riding, my client and i were sitting at the back of the bus. Right behind us in the wheelchair section was this prescious and hilarous boy, he was all the way at the back but wanted really badly to talk to the counslors,they couldnt hear him so they said "E, im busy, i'll talk to you when i get off the bus" and E said "oh okay then...then I'll just say wee, WEEEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEEEE" he did that for the rest of the bus ride.

This is one of my favorite stories of life "okay then i'll just say wee"

Monday, June 22, 2009

home base care in canada WORD

So, I am very happy to announce that I ended my 3 shift career at 7 11 and just started at a new WONDERFUL organization called DDRC, I am a community service worker and my job is to go to the homes of children who are developmentally disabled, promote Independence with them through different activities whilst supporting and giving there family a break. when I realized that this is basically home base care it made me so stoked,
way to go Jesus for tying everything together...

Monday, June 15, 2009

we only have today...

so I can now write down a date beside love tour vancouver/east hastings

on tuesday night at approx 10:40 pm leanna and i got into her old cop car and drove to vancouver, we had decieded to go probably 2 hours prior to leaving. how beautiful.

We slept in her car and just did random things. we walked around east hastings trying to find pastor joe but we couldnt find him...we did run into some lovely people, George and Jill (but i will write a specific post about them later) and my lovely africa friends steph and darryl.

over all it was quite the adventure. Jesus and I got to hang out on english bay and He reminded me about hope a few times....

I wish that I could say it was a complete success and I just went a loved people but here i am being reminded again that I mess up alot...wouldnt it be easier if we could all just be perfectly lovely and nice and wonderful all the time?

I read this out loud in the car to leanna and this is how I desire to love others

"I was neurotic for years. I was anxious and depressed and selfish. Everyone kept telling me to change.
I resented them, and i agreed with them, and i wanted to change, but simply couldnt, no matter how hard i tried.
what hurt the most was, that like the others, my best friend kept inisiting that i change. so i felt powerless and trapped. then one day He said to me "Dont change. I love you just as you are"
Those words were music to my ears: "Dont change. Dont change. Dont change... i love you as you are"
I relaxed. I came alive. and suddently i changed!
Now i know that i couldnt really change until i found someone who would love me whether i changed or not."

(this is from "the song of the bird")

Im begining to see that the love tour is not going to be just me going places and loving others that its also going to be a adventure of learning to love and being loved myself.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

theres one thing you need to know and thats that you cant count on me

My calgary community stay was way more intense then I expected, Im extremely appreciative of the uncomfortable feeling its stirred up in me, im just waiting for whats next...

It started out with a prayer outside a church, Tim and I each had a blanket it tow, I also had my journal, we slowly started walking towards princess island park, at first it just seems like any average night, there are limos because its grad season and small groups of laughing people walking around, as we get into the park, there are smaller quiter groups of people who stare as we walk by, we go down to the river to find Adrian, we greet him and then continue on our way to find a place to sleep...we dont even really know what we are looking for
"um do we want to sleep in darkness or light? under something or just on the grass?" we dont really know, we come across a small bridge with rocks and grass under, we can see everything around us but it is dark under the bridge so we are harder to see, this is a good spot, at 1:00 am when the sprinklers turn on we are especially happy about where we have chosen.

We lay down and make a joke about being like jacob because we have both selected rocks to use as head rests, the parkcade lights are our constant companions. We talk for an hour, starting to get used to the sounds of people walking around us and all the other noise the park offers. I didnt fall asleep once, for a few hours it was paranioa but around 3 i got up to just walk around and i knew i wasnt scared to be there my mind was just moving to fast. Tim woke up around 5, I still hadnt fallen asleep, we decieded to build a 12 stone alter (like Jacob again) to remember what we learned as we slept under this bridge, then we headed down to the river to hang out, we couldnt start panhandling till 8 am.

After we left, we started walking towards the core to hit up some public washrooms, we got stopped by an animated yet down Ricardo Farara, "are you homeless?" he askes us "no, we where spending a night in the park to understand what people go through and to make some friends" "why would you do that?" "we love Jesus...He loves people...we want to follow that example" i was suprized by how humbled and excited he seemed about that "you are christians? will you pray for me?" absolutely! (if you guys also think of it pray for Ricardo Farara)
we arrive near the public washrooms and the park is completely trashed, we sit down and wait, there is a custodian who walks by mumbling resentments at us about the mess he must clean...he wont unlock the bathrooms...its okay though cause we find some friends and have a prime time for breakfast.

william and shena are both on the street due to medical reason, their stories of being so mistreated by "the system" and by people really confuse and upset me. After having a morning primetime with them we head over to a busier street to see if we can panhandle breakfast, the "busy" street was actually mostly unsheltered friends, so we deciede that sitting down with a hat really wasnt going to work, so we deiceded to ask people as we walked by them...I know this could seem aggresive and silly because i could have gone home to get some food but it was something we felt we should do...
I think this is the part that really stood out to me, i have never felt so hated...i can so perfectly see the looks we got from some people...and what for? $2.35 enough for us to each get a ice tea for breakfast.
William gave us each a orange with a smile...he has nothing...he is also hated by people, people like me who have anything...yet he gave so freely...

Im still kind of processing what went on...i am a little overwhelmed but im ready to move to go to do...i have a idea for my first plan of action, which i will blog about in the future.

I also have plans to stay in the drop in center...we will see what that does...

I just want to feel like feel like im really trying like i really put my life on the line for something that matters, just like my best friend did.
doing stuff that involves this and hanging out with "youth" that are around me seems so much more important then getting a job...i just dont know what to do...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

can you see me through the glare of the lamp post?

"True morality consists not in following the beaten track, but in finding out the true path and fearlessly following it" - Gandhi

This Blog is going to be all about Fridays adventure/ community stay.
It is my mission along with my friend tim to spend a night on the streets of Calgary, this is something i have wanted to do for a long time and tim and i are both at a place where we feel ready to do it...this is just going to be the start! my objective is to learn some empathy and to understand more of street culture in calgary, and to make some more unsheltered friends.

wesnesday may 25:

Had an extremely lovely experiance with tim this morning, we where scoting out places tosleep for friday and as we where walking we came across one of Tim's unsheltered friends, Adrian.
we sat down with him and he said business was rough (he was panhandling) so we took him down to the Mcdonalds and we had lunch and as we did a number of things struck me:
first of all how he said this was the first time in a month that someone has talked to him for five minutes, how painfully slow he ate his food, how he is super okay with being on the streets because he thinkis its his karma for things that have happened in the past and how the only thing that scares him about street life is the spiders.

Tips from Adrian for staying on the street:
-station yourself near a washroom, resturants are good gas stations are not.
-stay out of site of by law officers
- dont hang out in a place where there are lots of bottles and garabage, that is mosty likely where drinking and other activites go on.

thursday 27 may :

we went down to the river to wash our feet, from where the park is to where the river is you have to walk through a bunch of bush, and as we did we saw a little shelter made out of plastic tarp and there was someone inside, and i immediatly thought of adrian and when we walked past i called his name just to see if it was him and it totally was!
hows that for random? or totally unrandom? Im begining to wonder if God is planning all the path crossing with him....

Friday 28 may:
I am getting so excited! last time i talked to Tim he was a little nervous but that is to be expected, I researched bylaws today...turns out panhandling is not illegal, which is good because tim and I wont leave on saturday till we panhandle enough money to get a meal.

I called the mustard seed today to get the status on the resume i put in, if they get the go ahead from the people above them they will call tomorrow or monday for a interview, i really really want this to work out, i dont want my time is calgary to be wasted just making money, i want to make to be involved in whats going on here as well...i have to keep reminding myselt that God will bring things around, i just feel very directionless in this moment

Prayers for friday and for everything will always be appreciated.

Monday, May 11, 2009

the lesson of my life

Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it. As busy, active, relevant ministers, we want to earn our bread by making a real contribution. This means first and foremost doing something to show that our presence makes a difference. And so we ignore our greatest gift, which is our ability to enter into solidarity with those who suffer. Those who can sit in silence with their fellowman, not knowing what to say but knowing that they should be there, can bring new life in a dying heart. Those who are not afraid to hold a hand in gratitude, to shed tears in grief and to let a sigh of distress arise straight from the heart can break through paralyzing boundaries and witness the birth of a new fellowship, the fellowship of the broken.

I dont even know how to start this blog, I'm really excited about stuff, still rather be in africa, but stuff is starting to come together here...I refocused, my life is not about africa, my life is about loving people where I am at, africa holds a huge part of my heart and will always feel like home, but right now I need to remember to love people where I am at.

Tim and I are spending next weekend on the streets in downtown calgary, Im excited to makes some friends and put some faces of poverty in calgary

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

waiting for my favorite song

Since being home I seem to feel other people's pain way more then before, I am often holding back my tears and shaking over very simple things. (or...bursting into tears and sobbing but thats usually when Im alone)

So other then that bit of depression, I am stoked about SAS (servants anom society) the commitment is big, alot of responsiablity and almost seems like it needs a different person as well, but it would start into the heavy stuff till august so im going to try my best and if it doesnt work i will put the brakes on well before that...I'll just go and love people as best as I can.

Reality is a fine wine...not enjoyed by children, Im really trying to be mature and see this time period as something that will grow me cause it will and it wont only grow me as a person it will help me and Jesus get even tighter...Im learning to lament

Sunday, April 19, 2009

the question....

In the Begining there was a Question....

"if you had unlimited resources what would you do with your life?"

but before the answer to that question I should explain the reason for why that question needed to be ask.

I have recently come home from 13 months spent in africa, one night when i was siting around a circle table with the other volunteers/ my friends, Beth asks "if you had unlimited resources what would you do with your life?"

the answers where varied, but mine was "i would travel around all over the place and love people...kind of like a love tour..." and after thinking about this for a few more minutes/hours i realized...i can do a love tour i my life before was about loving people, this is just about giving it a title...(so this blog will be more about my life in general then my last blog was)so with this blog i will keep you updated with where i go on my love tour, who i love and where i want to go.(once i actually figure this out maybe i can have a little thinger on the side)

I encourage you to ask yourself this question and to ask others this and to be encouraged to make whatever you answer is what you actually do with your life.