Saturday, November 16, 2013


When I was like 19 I wrote this list of people who inspired me, that I wanted to write letters too, to thank them for being who they were and putting whatever it was they did out into the world, I don’t remember all who was on it, but the ones that come to mind are Bono, John Butler and Shane Claiborne. I don’t think I ever did write those letters, but tonight with my hand on my heart and the threat of tears at the corners of my eyes I got to tell Shane Claiborne, that through his book irresistible revolution, I felt like he was a friend of mine who walked with my in a time when I was getting to know myself and who I am meant to be. That was a pretty great moment.
I am in a bit of a strange place these days, struggling with what my faith means and with my general coping, not that this is new, but lack of community and “what it all means”
This weekend I went on a retreat, at Kingsfold, it was supposed to be two days but I couldn’t quiet my spirit enough to stay the whole time and ended up coming home after one, I am going to be okay with that, but that doesn’t mean stopping to looking at the hard things. On my one day, I read Henri Nouwen’s “Life of the Beloved” the book is supposed to be a spiritual dialogue with secular humans, it was funny how this appealed to me, I guess I was looking for something not completely typical and Christian to ground me spiritually when lately I have been feeling extremely negative, (this is mostly because the religious people around me are fucking crazy)
The book defiantly brought things out to chew on, and to lean on. The premise is that we are the Beloved, and that living as the beloved requires being present in four elements and mindsets.
Taken. Blessed. Broken.Given.
I mean I suppose I could write out the book again in different words, but that wouldnt do it justice, there is this one part that talks about how, shattered glasses still reflects light...and that sits beautifully with me, and is a good way of summing up the book.

I do want to live the life of the beloved, and get back to my center, it’s a journey, and I’m tired but I’m not giving up yet.
Im glad this blog turned out this way because my original draft was a rant.ha.

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Recently I saw a quote...and after just searching it now I see it attributed to a number of people, so I'm not entirely sure who actually said it, but none the less, I really like it...

"The Planet does not need more successful people. It desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds"

It stuck in my head for a few days and I realized these are words I really want to describe me, but what do they really mean, and how do they really look in real life?

CCharlie and I went for coffee the other day and I brought my bag of sharpies and my art journal and mapped it out. Something about being there with someone else, chatting and overhearing coffee orders helped me to really think of what these meant. And I wanted to share my musings with you. These are musing, point forms, things im still figuring out, things I do not claim to be but hope to learn...

Choosing to make peace and to live in a place of grace. Bringing positive energy to situations of conflict. Speaking up. Having courage to be unconventional in situations where asked to choose a side.

Putting your hand against a wound. Emotion or Physical. Being present during painful events and not letting people be alone. Valuing support and hard experiences. Using your bound with someone to encourage deeper healing, showing people they are worth more than what they have been through.

Very "step four" I think this is more about restoring broken relationship in ones own life, making amends when you see you've done wrong. But also living GRACE so that when others make amends this can happen. Encouraging restoration in others. Keeping your word.

How do you do this when its not your own story? maybe that’s the point...only telling your own story and not that of others. Inspire by telling your story. Create spaces where stories are safe to be told. Validate storytelling. Really listening. Having knowledge that words matter, that they hold immense power.

"I love because He first loved me.." live in this. Lover means give and receive. Knowing this is a wellspring.