brushing your teeth out a window

So today Laura and I went to the market, I have arranged for some punjabi dresses to be made and I'm pretty excited about it...I wanted to share this picture and a story with you about this picture.

Laura and I were on way home in a rickshaw, the traffic was ridiculous...then a head i saw a elephant! I guess my excitement was apparent because our driver started to laugh, i got a crappy picture as we drove past but then our rickshaw driver swerved to the left so i could get a better picture...in the process he hit a cart full of coconuts, and I achieved the above photo...as we were driving away I asked Laura to look at this situation from outside of our perspective and how it is actually such a hilarius story...

incense burning in a taxi cab

India and I are still trying to figure each other out, and as I feel that process is going to take a while i dont know that I can really blog, I do want to share some clips from my journal to maybe help you see where im at and what im doing.

I wrote this piece after my second day at "Kalghat" which is the Mother Teresa home for the destitute and the dying.
Its a building big enough to house 80 people and opposite to the west the point is not to cure people but rather to give them a place to die with dignity and love. I stayed mostly on the womens side and it really made me question my understanding of the word "beauty" these women skin and bones, blind and not all there putting there hands together to there face and saying "nameste didi" (which translates to something like the divine in me see the divine in you sister) are beatutiful! I feel like im getting in the way of the nuns as i sit and stare, i hold hands, i caress shaved heads and smile into faces while repeating bengali words that i dont understand...anyway lets see what i wrote in my journal that day

"I also spent more time feeding people, there was one little lady who I hand fed, she is blind and would go into convulsions and scream and as startling as that was it is still sch a blessing to be able to do this. I found myself thnking "anyone could do this...I'm not really making a difference" but i guess thats where i have to think I am the one doing this today and this is a love offering to God and hopefully a blessing to this women"

these entries are a little out of order but here is another one

"I helped give out meds and spoon fed one lady both snack and lunch. No teeth and I think she was part blind, skin and bones but oh so beautiful. Everytime I ran a hand over her head, I was thinking about Jesus as I placed rice and bits of orange in beloveds mouth I asked "God please see this as an offering to you"

I keep looping through the thoughts of "I need to come back to Kolkata, I need to make a routine here and build relationships, I need to work every day with those who are dying and spend my evenings in prayer with the sisters" and "Im never ever coming back to India"

maybe one to make people laugh

"oh! this morning at the mother house there was this dak haired boy with starter dreads (like he hadnt brushed his hair) and a beard and dressed very earthy and probably my soulmate and i found myself thinking "are you allowed to think someone is hot when your sitting in a convent?"

before India we must make sure that Calgary knows..

Serenity

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. "

I went to a narcotics anonymous meeting yesterday.
I think part of the love tour is learning empathy for what others go through and being able to start to understand what people go through on their road to recovery is essential to my job at the seed and to my life as a person who loves other people.

It was really intense though for a number of reasons and pretty much the whole time I sat there feeling like I was going to puke, and I like chewed my coffee cup to bits...but alas.

When I sat down a lady asked me if I go to this group often and I responded with "this is my first time" I didn't want to try and draw some sort of line in the sand and say "Ive never used drugs" because this is a safe place with no judgements and I didn't want her to think that I thought I was different or better then her, and she was so lovely! telling me "you are courageous for coming here! we love new people!"

I watched this amazing video this week on vulnerability and life and relationship and it was talking about how "whole hearted people" have 3 things in common, courage to accept who they are and to tell their stories regardless of the pain/success, compassion for themselves because they know you cant be kind to others without being kind to yourself first and believing they are worthy of connection with other people.

The essence of that is what I felt and the NA meeting and processing it now I really think that was a incredibly beautiful experience regardless of the anxiety I felt.

One of the things they value there is the anonymity of the program and I hope by sharing things here I'm not breaking that because I do so respect these people and have gratitude that I was able to see a part of their lives.

One man's sharing really struck me because he said something like "I had just accepted that I was going to be a homeless addict"
It made me wonder how many people I come into contact at the shelter who feel that way. and it also made me think how much more important it is to just pour out love to everyone everywhere I go.

I adore the self aware-ness of recovering addicts and how they fight vigorously to give everything over to God (as they understand Him)...something I strive for.

my therapist would love you guys

So sometimes I deciede that Im not going to tell people stuff and do things secretly but then it turns out Im not very good at secrets so I end up blogging about it.

Tonight I had a very intense experiance at the shelter and it really jarred me but it was so nice to off set that feeling with this lovely project.
I thought of this idea a few days ago and my co-worker Cristina helped me implament it!
We did it in the middle of the night (one of the advantages of night shift!) so the lady guests would find it in the morning. As I was buzzing around the shelter one of the women asked for a moment of my time, she is someone that I find especially intriging and she said to me "I just wanted to let you know what you did in the bathroom was amazing, I literally walked around it at least 4 times just looking at all the notes and my spirits went from here" she motioned to below her knee "to here" and her hand went above her head.

Mittens aka December

Because Brianne was in calgary in December we were able to take our twelve month project picture together!

Eyes Closed Aka November